I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
