I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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