apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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