This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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