thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
