If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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