I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
A bitchslap is in order.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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