I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
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