oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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