Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
