So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Randomize
