Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
