If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
