Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
