Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
