youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
