im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
The feeling are messing with the penis
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
