I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
