He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
