Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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