I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
