but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
