what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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