Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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