so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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