watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
