So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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