If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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