So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
