I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
