there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
