HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
he thought i was a dude.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
