I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
