yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
