She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
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Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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