dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
