She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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