If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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