You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
