No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
