there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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