Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize