he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
