Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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