Are we in a gay sports bar?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
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