I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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