I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
