Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Nicole vs. Life
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
