If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
