just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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