Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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