I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
