no, he came in my armpit
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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