Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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