what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
