That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The uberlube is also flammable
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
