i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
