I wish I only lived at night.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
