She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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