when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
we should paint friendship bongs
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