hell yes lets make some ravioli
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
