I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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