like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
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I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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