I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
