third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
And then the night went full on bisexual.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
