Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
